Rating

Appeals To

People interested in the culinary/recent history of Knightsbridge… with a fair amount of money to spend and the time to enjoy it. Knightsbridge locals and well heeled travellers from all over the globe staying at the Jumeirah Carlton.

‘Fine wine’ people and those with goddamn limitless budgets for cocktails. People dining at the restaurant looking for a few pre prandials beforehand (but maybe not too many)

People looking to impress a client/girlfriend/parent/in-law/themselves with a bar that is luxury in the truest sense of the word. Prove how well you’re doing by ordering a £1500 measure of cognac. 

In A Word

Ornate

Tasting Britain Gets Rib Room’d

Well, this is some super ritzy shit right here. I find myself consciously wanting to reassert my lower middle class roots in writing about it. Perhaps to prove myself, or to distance myself from the level of opulence that comes from a place with strong ties to Dubai’s Royal Family (i.e the Jumeirah Carlton Hotel – in which The Rib Room lives). 

I’ve been invited down to try the new Ryder Cup cocktails – which means I can either pretend to know about golf, or just be honest about my ignorance. I choose the latter. GO USA! (what is it that golf fans say anyway?).

Anyway, here’s them two Ryder Cup Cocktails

European

It’s like an Old Fashioned, full of European ingredients (a lot of scotch). They spray it with Ardbeg to add a touch of peatyness (I like this idea). It’s a well balanced whiskey taste that I like quite a lot but in retrospect is steamrollered by…

American

Following the theme of the previous one, this one’s full of American ingredients and is going with the ‘orange’ theme (i.e. the barman spoons orange jam into it). No exaggeration when I say that this is one of the best cocktails I have had in a long time. 

The balance is legendary and the orange jam flavour gives way to the bourbon slowly and luxuriously. I hope they bring this one back (or the Ryder Cup starts happening on a weekly basis), as its discovery was worth the trip alone.

Note: These featured cocktails seem to change on a pretty regular basis. At the time they Ryder Cup promotion had moved on and they were pushing a gin based cocktail called the…

Sloane Scarer

We redubbed it the ‘2spooky9me’ but found it to fall below the ridiculous expectations set by the USA Ryder Cocktail (this one had a sharp gin taste that was not too well balanced).  Intense floral, rosey nose from the Pinky Gin that they use. It quickly gives way to a strong and not subtle gin flavour.

It probably would have been better to have this one before the Ryder Cup cocktails.

Whiskey

After this we migrate towards a small taster of their ample whiskey selection. There’s some good stuff on there, complete with ‘Knightsbridge Markup’ – I ask Ibrahim for his suggestion on some Islay whiskeys and these appear.

I drink the Laphroaig 10 and feel that I don’t know whiskey enough to fully appreciate its complexity. Then the Caol Ila 18 blows my mind because it tastes like peat tinged unicorn tears and cask strength joy. I’ll be recommending it to anyone who drinks whiskey. And anyone who doesn’t.

And we finish on a Nikka Pure Malt because you can’t go wrong with some of them Japanese drams.

Aaaanyway….

So yes, as The Guardian’s Jay Rayner said “…eating at the Rib Room at the Carlton Tower Hotel is a Knightsbridge tradition, much like money-laundering and Botox”– which although harsh, is probably true (on both counts!). Jay did the full restaurant experience, whereas I can only tell you about what the bar is like with a small amount of food.

But it is a bloody good bar and I’ll certainly say that the experience is memorable

The Surroundings

The Rib Room could be called ‘Ritzy’- in the sense that it’s an expensive and luxurious legacy hotel like The Ritz. The mirrors (which look old and seem to have acquired permanent stains) make the place feel more spacious and there’s also an out front terrace which we didn’t get to take a look at.

The soundtrack…low to mid volume pop music, no string quartets or Enya. I guess it’s more like a kinda toned down version of one of those Now That’s What I Call Music compilations from the 80s. Do they still release those? 

Later on it evolves into John Martyn and then bebop, which is I suppose more in keeping with these plush surroundings. 

Continuing the jazz theme, that stops for a bit when a jazz trio appears in the corner. They play a bunch of songs that I don’t recognise, complete with 3 minute double bass solos (as a guy who used to play in jazz bands I still don’t see the point of these). I think they are Scandinavians. 

Glass walls that contain beautiful and expensive things, like some of those high end champagnes, whiskeys and cognacs.

At various points in the night I go to take pictures of the venue, creating some agro with a few The Rib Room’s patrons who seem to think that I am taking pictures of them. So for the first time in my career I end up having to explain the concept that we need pictures of the venue to do a food review, and photos of them are no use to me. It’s a little strange.  

As far as I can see, it’s a night spot, with the place filling up quite a lot more after 1030PM. On the whole the clientele seem like a bunch of loyal regulars – being on amiable, first name terms with the staff.

There’s a massive cocktail menu – highlights include a ‘temperance movement’ section which contains only virgin cocktails. Said menu comes in a binder folder, which each page regularly being removed and re-added as they tweak the cocktail selection. And there’s the obligatory cigar section (obviously).

The Food

As the bar inside the Rib Room restaurant, you can take advantage of the restaurant. No need to get hung up on bar snacks that just serve to make you hungrier.

Comparing the bar’s Light Bites menu with the A La Carte Menu, you’ve basically got a more extensive selection of the same stuff, and some mad shit that you probably wouldn’t get at a bar (e.g £70 180g Wagyu)

The menu has a ‘Taste of Britain’ section, which I consider ordering from just so I can talk about it in the review. A general lack of hunger kills this idea.

Ground Rib Burger – mustard and honey glazed onions, Sussex Crumble cheese and steak fries £14.00

Ben ‘s burger comes with a more tomato-y flavoured version of regular ketchup (which they make there). You can also opt for the conventional Heinz, of course.

Loch Fyne oak smoked salmon with traditional garnish £17.50

Minute Steak with French Fries and Béarnaise Sauce £14.50

The steak itself is a little overdone for my liking (they didn’t actually ask me how I preferred it so I’d imagine they default to medium rare). 

The Verdict

Great service: Ibrahim the barman is an excellent human and makes a mean cocktail. The wait staff are attentive but not in your face about it. 

Great drinks: An immense selection of said cocktails, delicious whiskeys, eyewateringly expensive cognacs, eyewateringly expensive wines, etc. You know the drill. Maybe there needs to be more tequila and mezcal? 

OK food: This is based on terribly limited experience – I would like to eat at the restaurant and fully test that assumption

Scary prices: But this is Knightsbridge, what were you expecting?

Occasionally strange clientele: Not sure if this is always the case or we’d ‘lucked out’ this day. 

The Details

Address: Jumeirah Carlton Tower, Cadogan Pl, London SW1X 9PY
Phone: 020 7858 7250
Website: http://www.theribroom.co.uk/
Twitter: @RibRoomSW1

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