Chez Mal – you shall find it hidden underneath the imposing/impressive facade of Malmaison London. Down the stairs you descend into a dark, neon and brick wonderland of food comas, things with truffle in and soul music. Our Jack reports in…
Rating
Cuisine
Brasserie / steakhouse
Appeals To
People with expense accounts and the need to impress other people. The kind of person who has (or aspires to have) a Josper Grill. Flush folks celebrating stuff (do you need an excuse to celebrate life? No). Anyone who ever wanted a high end limitless buffet Sunday brunch. People on the Square Mile escaping The Square Mile without actually escaping the Square Mile…
In A Word
Superb
Mal-nourished
(…lol)
In another life Chez Mal was the basement in a nurses home. In one of the lives that followed it was known as ‘Strip Bar And Steak’ (in reference to their signature USDA Black Angus New York Strip steak… and nothing else!). As you can imagine, some people took this the wrong way, and so they quite wisely decided upon a new name – which is how we arrive at its current incarnation.
Chez Mal’s many boasts include ‘the biggest Sunday brunch in town’ (an all you can eat buffet lunch in the private dining room). And considering its location (and when compared with its competition) Chez Mal is reasonably priced – particularly with their regular promotions).
The Ambiance
…is great ambiance! Chez Mal lives underneath Malmaison London, a hotel located in Charterhouse Square – one of the most serene parts of the stress and capital injected Square Mile. In the context of its…brisk surroundings, it could be an oasis, and is deathly silent when I show up at 1855 on a Monday. Stepping through the doors and heading downstairs to the restaurant area, Motown and New Jack Swing playlists await you.
Malmaison London itself is an old listed building. Recently refurbished, the inside is all exposed brick, neon lights, swish leather seating, and plenty of dark alcoves (what they refer to as ’semi exclusive’ vaults and booths…heh). What they are going for, apparently, is a twist on New York dining – with some gaudy neon touches from Vegas (I think?).
I can’t say I know too much about how they tend to ‘do’ interior design in NYC / LA, but I can say that Chez Mal have developed a pretty modern and familiar look – one that has worked in other places and that works here too. It actually feels like a high end nightclub – minus people cutting cocaine in the toilets and terrible house music.
Instead we have a 70s soundtrack and low lighting that kinda sets the mood for both the bar area and the restaurant proper – making the transition between the two (as in, from aperitif to dinner) seamless. As for geographical location, you shall find it amply situated between the Barbican and Smithfield Meat Market.
The place is minimally staffed but at no point does it seem like they’re ‘understaffed’ if you know what I mean! The clientele when we dine are a mixed bunch, a well dressed/overdressed and stern faced older gay couple. Then two guys who look like old friends, plus a family with a very quiet and well behaved child, and a few ‘tech’ guys dining on their own.
Considering the location, Chez Mal is particularly popular with the business types, though if you show on a weekend you’ll probably see an influx of last minute coupon site people, here for last minute deals and (possible) cocktail abuse.
Our waitress, Elle, is from Romania via Cyprus and has an amazing accent. If Chez Mal was a nation then Elle would be the perfect ambassador for it (and maybe that is what she is?). She possesses the knowledge (WSET qualifications) and the passion that makes for a fine meal indeed. If she is representative of staff here then you are in good hands…
The Food And Drink
In terms of cuisine, Chez Mal is something/somewhere between brasserie dining and steakhouse, a natural combination that they pull off rather well, though one which they wouldn’t be the first to come up with…
In a city full of cocktail bars, this place can most certainly compete – prices for drinks are about average for London, but a fair bit cheaper than a lot of their competition in the Square Mile. Go for a set menu and you’ll likely get a very good deal here.
Drinks you say? The wine menu is well thought out, well organised, and not too overwhelming. Similarly with the food menu – don’t expect anything too far out, but expect enough choice to meet your needs (probably…). It’s more steakhouse than brasserie and the truffle mashed potato may well have been put here by God himself/herself/itself to remind us that he loves us.
There’s a section on the menu separately devoted to steak, and if steak is your cup of tea (or cup of beef?) I’d advise you give it a go. I would also recommend you ask about the lemon cheesecake, which is served in a martini glass and could very well make your day/evening…
The Starters
Pan Roasted Sea Scallops
The sauce is a sweetcorn puree – delicious but somewhat overpowering to the delicacy of the scallops (which are just as fresh as you’d like them to be). It’s not much for the price, more a feast for the eyes than anything. Too small a portion but WHAT a delicious tiny portion…
Ahi Tuna Tartare
The addition avocado adds a satisfying creaminess to the delicate flavours you associate with a tartare.
The Sides
Spinach (Wilted)
This spinach is good, not great – wilted to concentrate the flavours. Nothing particularly memorable but they haven’t murdered it with butter like they do at a lot of steakhouses (i.e ‘creamed spinach’).
Pak Choi, Ginger & Chilli
This tastes nothing like bok choi I remember – it seems when you add chilli, ginger and what appears to be butter to bok choi you get some kind of alchemical transformation. It’s both highly unexpected and highly unhealthy and I’m ok with this. It holds its texture nicely – so you stab one with a fork and, almost like some kind of beached Portuguese Man’O’War, it unfolds… dripping delicious buttery sauce everywhere :3
Sautéed field mushrooms
Possibly the best sautéed mushrooms this side of Park Lane. They take a bunch of mushrooms and simultaneously decrease the water content whilst increasing the taste. DELICIOUS SCIENCE
Truffle Mash (hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng)
The lifechanging truffle mash potato, oh yes. Without a doubt the best mashed potato that our species has created.
(Note: the pre dinner truffle popcorn is also superior truffle technology..)
The Mains
Pan roasted Black Angus New York strip steak (250g, 350g, 450g or 550g)
Notes on stuff here that isn’t steak: Isn’t béarnaise just great? Such a terrible, gratuitous and unhealthy thing. A monument to Western decadence. Still, when in Rome/Chez Mal… the presentation is quite exciting – a hollowed out onion with sauce inside it.
The house BBQ sauce comes highly recommended. i accidentally pour tonnes out (it is not as viscous as expected). No connoisseur or appreciator of this kind of sauce, all I can really say is that it tastes like any other ‘proper’ BBQ sauce I have had (i.e more toned down on the added sugar and closer to something resembling molasses/treacle)
The Desserts
Lemon meringue cheesecake
Personally I think the meringue overpowers the mascarpone in a cheesecake. But some people really like meringue…
Valrhona dark & milk chocolate torte
Cheeseboard
Elle’s recommendations come in handy here. My favourite is (and almost always is) the goat’s cheese. A thing so salty that it shouldn’t work…but does. Squash it down onto an oddly shaped cracker and appreciate your life.
The Drinks
Chez Mal’s wine menu is well designed, extensive (though not comprehensive) and lacking somewhat on dessert wines and rose. There are no tasting notes on the menu itself – which makes me wonder if that was an oversight or they have that much faith in the wine training of their staff…
The bar is nicely stocked, though I don’t get the time to give it full scrutiny. As well as a separate and pretty extensive cocktail menu with a fair few of ‘the classics’ on it, they also have their own takes on said classics, and a chill bartender called Obi who is sick of your Star Wars jokes :3
The Verdict
Stupendous. Brasserie steakhouse dining done well, steaks done medium rare. An approach that takes the ‘high end’ experience of a fine dining hotel and takes the edge off of it with ‘divey’ features like red neon, brick walls and popular music. The ambiance and attention to detail are just perfect for an evening in which you spend a lot of money and time.
Don’t expect too many culinary innovations, but, based on my ‘sample size of one’ – expect a hell of a meal. And, if you come at the right time – you might get a deal too :3
The Details
https://www.malmaison.com/locations/london/
18-21 Charterhouse Square, London EC1M 6AH, United Kingdom